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BLOG 270: ‘I Need a Cigarette Now’

Well it seems like it’s been forever since I last posted a poem on Ash Watson Poetry. And to be completely honest with you all, lately when I put pen to paper – nothing comes out. Typical writer’s block maybe, I don’t know. I’ve had no words. It’s been hell. And, truthfully, life itself has been pretty chaotic recently. Between working two jobs – both with an increasing work load – I’ve been doing a lot of freelancing lately. One of these projects being a 90,000 word novel edit/proofread. Oh, and on top of that, I moved house. And yes, although we’re all happy and settled in, we’ve got all these Christmas shenanigans to sort out!

Tonight is the first night in a long time where I’ve sat down and finally put some words on a page – words that have been floating around in my head for a while – I just couldn’t quite get them into the right order. And you know what, it’s nice to finally post some material again.

This poem is called ‘I Need a Cigarette Now’. It’s about seeing an old love and realising it never got old in the first place. I hope you like it.

Let me know what you think in the comments section below – all thoughts are welcome. And as always, thanks for reading.

I Need a Cigarette Now

The smell of perfume in the convenience store
on a business-as-usual Saturday night;
it leaves my mind ticking, listening to heels clicking
on the tiled floor, I could just melt into.
Because now I’m thinking about you.

And I don’t smoke but I need a cigarette now.
I need to revive my lungs after you seeing you again.

And so I count down the minutes to turn off the open sign,
so I can get lost in a world that’s more beautiful at night.
The revival of my lungs is worse than police car hunger –
if I could plead an ‘insanity by love’, I just might.

And I don’t smoke but I need a cigarette now.
Breathing is the only human thing about me, and I’ve forgotten how.

The blankness in your eyes was like a shotgun to the stomach.
I was blown away by everything you had to offer tonight.
And everything you didn’t. That was even worse.

And I don’t smoke but I need a cigarette now.
Hallucinations are clearer in the dark and I’m tearing the walls down.

If I catch my breath I might tell you I love you.
If I come to my senses I might occupy my lungs with smoke from the fire.

And I don’t smoke but I need a cigarette now.
You were my flame, and I’m afraid to put the lighter down.

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